Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
