Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
