Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
