Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
