marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
