If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
