I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
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But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
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I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
PANTIES FOUND
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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