Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
foreskin is a definite game changer
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
FUCK WHALES
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
