Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
