on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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