If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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