the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
