Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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