East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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