ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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