Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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