I want to walk on stilts...naked
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
