I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
