she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Randomize
