dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
