Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
