If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
