I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
