Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
