I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
