By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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