i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
