my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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