I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
