Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
