either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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