It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
