Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
