Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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