Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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