Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize