Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
