I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
