i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
