At least make sure they are 18
Why
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
