you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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