Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
