My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
my phone needs a breathalizer
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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