Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
