All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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