fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
this is an emotional support booty call
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
wow bdsm is so cute
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
