He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
