as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
