she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
