I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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