im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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