No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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