i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
