i need an iv and a liver transplant
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
