Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
