Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
