Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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