I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
