Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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