she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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