My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
