It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
